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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Subject to Change

Tonight's practice wasn't so great, my back got taken several times and I ended up being choked as a result. On top of that I think my left elbow came close to breaking. This guy got me in an arm bar, with my strong arm (my left) I couldn’t push his legs of me with my right arm, I tried fighting it as best I could. But I just started yelling:
Tap! TAP! TAAAP! Until he finally heard me. It wasn’t very fun to say the least. One of the challenges with Cerebral Palsy, is that with damage to the brain, there is a disconnect between what you tell your brain to do, and what your body actually does. For instance, if I want my body to relax, it then wants to stiffen up and become rigid. It’s something that has to be fought through on a regular basis. I sometimes wish my body was bigger and stronger, it’s almost impossible to go up against bigger guys, and they just lay on you the entire time, what annoys me is in doing so, they look around at other people as though their bored and want more of a challenge. Yet its next to impossible to fight a man that has 150 or even close to two hundred pounds on you. I even got to roll with a much larger man than me. I knew in my mind, there was no moving this guy. I felt I was back to practicing Wing Chung, weaving through all he attempts at arms bars. Man… Something has to change. When I was doing Judo still a year or so ago, the rules changed, it became a stand up art, that was more about throwing your challenger through the air, and less about mat work. It annoyed me at first, because well. It was hard for me to stand, but glancing back on it, I’m thankful for it, because it caused people to work for trips and throws. Where as in Jujitsu, you have the option of falling on your back (pulling guard) and working from there. Even as I fight from my knees, I still want to clinch and throw, and sometimes that works, but. People get my back and choke me. Or I attempt the throw and the person pulls guard. All I know is that something has to change, because what I’m doing honestly isn’t working.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The easiness of sorrow and courage of victory.

One thing that I’m finding to be a constant battle is self-pity or being down on my self. It’s hard to over come. I wonder how some of the worlds best grapplers and legends felt when they first stepped foot on a wrestling mat. The gut level truth as I’ve probably mentioned before is that people that wrestle with me have full use of all their limbs, and even tonight a guy I was up against held down my weaker arm. There wasn’t much I could do to be honest, but my heart kept fighting. I remember what my coach Derek told me about survival, it’s the goal of a white belt. I did that pretty well tonight, I pulled off a new sweep I learned at least three times, managed to escape a few really bad arm bar attempts. But some of the night was spend with people on my back choking me, though I once again fought my heart out to defend. Again to be painfully honest, with all the knowledge and experience that I have in grappling I think I suck. I am so very rusting and I always go back to how good my skill level once was and if it will ever be there again. I always get compliments from people on my team on how strong my body is, but strength can only get you so far, in terms of the sport of jujitsu, it takes timing and the ability to stay calm. Which is another thing that is a struggle for me, because as I’ve said in previous entries, my mind just goes faster than my body can keep up with. Something that keeps me going is my conditioning, after sparing for nearly an hour straight I’m honestly not tired and feel like I could go an hour more. Once I get through drivers education, I am strongly considering taking me hours in class, but will see, I know my main calling in this short life is to write and share my story and how I’ve found redemption, which will always come first. My advice to my readers, if there is something you want to try, regardless of what sport or activity, give it a try, as long as it builds you as person. Go for it and keep getting back up every time you fall down, because a person who keeps returning with their head held high is sometimes more of a winner than the person who’s know victory their whole life.
Be well,

Wednesday, August 10, 2011