One thing that I’m finding to be a constant battle is self-pity or being down on my self. It’s hard to over come. I wonder how some of the worlds best grapplers and legends felt when they first stepped foot on a wrestling mat. The gut level truth as I’ve probably mentioned before is that people that wrestle with me have full use of all their limbs, and even tonight a guy I was up against held down my weaker arm. There wasn’t much I could do to be honest, but my heart kept fighting. I remember what my coach Derek told me about survival, it’s the goal of a white belt. I did that pretty well tonight, I pulled off a new sweep I learned at least three times, managed to escape a few really bad arm bar attempts. But some of the night was spend with people on my back choking me, though I once again fought my heart out to defend. Again to be painfully honest, with all the knowledge and experience that I have in grappling I think I suck. I am so very rusting and I always go back to how good my skill level once was and if it will ever be there again. I always get compliments from people on my team on how strong my body is, but strength can only get you so far, in terms of the sport of jujitsu, it takes timing and the ability to stay calm. Which is another thing that is a struggle for me, because as I’ve said in previous entries, my mind just goes faster than my body can keep up with. Something that keeps me going is my conditioning, after sparing for nearly an hour straight I’m honestly not tired and feel like I could go an hour more. Once I get through drivers education, I am strongly considering taking me hours in class, but will see, I know my main calling in this short life is to write and share my story and how I’ve found redemption, which will always come first. My advice to my readers, if there is something you want to try, regardless of what sport or activity, give it a try, as long as it builds you as person. Go for it and keep getting back up every time you fall down, because a person who keeps returning with their head held high is sometimes more of a winner than the person who’s know victory their whole life.
Be well,
-Brandon/THECPWARRIOR
I like your title, especially the first phrase, "the easiness of sorrow". For it truly is easy to sink down into despair and self-pity, or worse, self-loathing.
ReplyDeleteBut God calls us to take our eyes off "self" and focus onto Him and upon what He has accomplished for us (Col. 1:13 is a fave). When I focus on Him I rejoice. When I focus on self I despair. This is true whether I am focusing on my health (cancer) or my sin for both can cause me to sink into that easy self-pity.
I like that you fight onward with courage. I always believe that courage comes from God. He is the great Encourager.
Bless you.